Another Parent's heart breaking story which once again involves Masking, School being unsupportive as well as dismissive and gaslighting parent into thinking their child has no issues in school and that the problem could be down to poor parenting etc. This story seems all too familiar nationally but definitely within the East Riding:
"From the beginning I always knew my daughter was a little different she had quirks It didn’t take till pre school to really understand that these quirks where going to have such an impact on her . I have worked in childcare my self for 15 years and I think I always knew she was on the spectrum but just thought she was a little bit! How could she really be autistic she could talk and had friends? Even after been on countless courses through work I had never heard the word masking it was never talked about how girls with ASC (Autism Spectrum Condition) can act very different to boys so how could she be autistic?
So back to pre school she attend my pre school where I was working and oh my what a different child she became fighting every morning to get out of bed screaming once there sat underneath tables refused to work play or talk to other adults after a few weeks she came out of her shell a little and started to slowly join in with just odd day sat under a table which was fantastic! Mornings and after pre school was even worse now though and I started to question my self is it me ? Why was she only doing this for me? Then one day it clicked she was anxious .
So fast forward to her starting school I explained all this to her new school teachers and they were fully aware they informed me they would keep an eye out and report back to me daily. Well, after one year at school I feel like I have been beaten with an emotional stick. It’s been an awful experience with zero support, told her meltdown are just tantrums and if I hear the words "but she’s FINE at school" one more time I will scream! My child is not "FINE" at school, every morning it’s a battle to get her there and in to the school building it’s self can be very hard with her lashing out at her teacher, trying to fight them or taking her self for a run around the field but that’s a "FINE" child at school! She hums / sings when she’s doing her school work and distracts the other children but that’s a "FINE" child at school! She doesn’t wear the correct uniform so her teacher said "well bring it in, we will get her dressed" as predicted she came out of school with what she went in as she refused to put it on (she doesn’t like the feel of the t shirts and they have buttons) but that’s a "FINE" child at school! She didn't eat her school dinner for 6 weeks, it took until the first parents evening for me to be told about this but that’s a "FINE" child at school! After numerous meetings with the Headteacher/ SENco and me crying to them everyday, I got called in to school and told I was getting a support worker who would work with my and my child. I was over the moon and thought "great, maybe this is the first step in them actually helping". Well, let’s say that was just to keep my quite if didn't work once she started offering me parent classes and making me feel like I was failing being a parent or just telling me I am doing the right thing. There was zero support and zero contact with my daughter so back to school I went for more meetings with false promises and hopes and things set in place that never happened in the mean time my child who is 5 has took to self harm and school refusal and meltdown after meltdown before and after school with her lashing out at me and her other siblings but this child is "FINE" at school! I am sad and scared for her future at school I am only asking for some support why is that so hard for them!?"
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